To be honest, my memories of high school are not always the fondest. Trapped yet free from parochial school, uncool but yet not a total loser, gray and in the shadows, uneventful identity shifts, changing to a "new" set of old friends....my high school career can best be qualified by a list of paradoxes which seemingly cancel each other out and leave me with a tasteless memory of the time.
To be totally absolutely candid, the only outstanding highlights of my high school days are the girls I dated, the college friends I hung out with, and the music I listened too. Of all those, music stands apart. In physical form--Cd, vinyl, tapes, etc., are fixed objects in your life once you find them (my CD's never physically removed themselves from my presence, whereas MOST --slash that-- ALL of my girlfriends did ---what the heck was I doing wrong??) Consequently, music's become the most stable, thrilling platform of expression and expansion in my life. I craved it like a bad addiction, digging through trenches of plastic jewel cases and glossy magazine articles, looking for the perfect connection with a new band or album.
Dont get me wrong, I still enjoyed much of the classic staple grunge rock of my high school days (soundgarden, pearl jam, mudhoney, nirvana, blind melon ((yes even blind melon--Im publicly declaring that)), etc., etc.). But occasionally I'd run into or get handed an album that seemed to propel me forward into something.. something deeper and more existential then I was maybe willing (or able) to comprehend at the time.
Even though my tastes may have changed, some of those albums are timeless in their approach and canon....and I've been digging them out of the cupboards to again revisit their allure and attractiveness, all the while soaking in my own sentimentality.
So here goes. Number 1:
SMASHING PUMPKINS: siamese dream. Now, if you talk to any hardcore S.M. fan they will infallibly say "GISH (the album before SIAMESE DREAM) was their best album." They will scoff when you mention SIAMESE DREAM or anything thereafter by the Smashing Pumpkins. Dont listen to them. They are the original root of snooty, elite, indie rockism. While you should respect them because they are getting older in age and more senile, you should also remember that with them its personal. They just get pissed off when the few bands they love and hold close to their own personal identity, suddenly blow up and become popular. Back in the day, large corporate record labels were seeking out good bands and finding them--Flaming Lips, the Sundays, Jawbox, Pavement, etc.-- so it was common for indie bands to go from unheard of to international phenomena overnight. SIAMESE DREAM was no exception.
No mistaking it though, GISH was a good album, but SIAMESE DREAM stole everything good from GISH and made it better, with dividends. SIAMESE DREAM is what I call the Smashing Pumpkin's "apex" album, the album in which the artist's peaked in their abilities and talents (their following albums: Melancholy and Infinite Sadness, Adore, and the newest one didn't draw me in the same way Siamese Dream did....oops did I just say that out loud? AAHHH. My elitism is turning in on itself!!).
Billy Corgan (the lead singer) began writing more mature lyrics that fit the maturity of the music itself, and they blend an explosive dynamic with long stretches of drifting ambience.--Plus, there is enough angsty torment mixed with poppy sound in the songs to allow you to sit in your room for hours and sulk yet come out feeling happy and content. Overall, this album is bound together really well, leaving each song somewhat dependent on the other yet able to stand alone.
I wasn't sure I liked this album when I first heard it, but it eventually wrestled itself into my conscious, and, as I've learned over the years, those are the best kind of albums.
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